The relationships you have with others determines how you view yourself

I am not the easiest person to build a relationship with.

This is due to me being very selective with who I allow into my energy space.That coupled with the fact that my Nan would also tell me, “ it is not just every and anybody you can bring into your family or be friends with” (Good old nanny, and her words of wisdom).

Therefore I like to take my time and get to know a person I am about to embark on a journey with, whether this be romantic, personal or business.

I have to make sure that you are going to be positive to my life as opposed to hindering it with challenging energy and vice verse.

Over the years of building relationships with others, I have often been referred to as guarded, and in some cases I have been right in guarding myself as later it turned out that they were not someone I wanted in my life over a long period of time.

You see, I believe the relationships that you have with others is an indication of the type of relationship that you have with yourself.

The relationship that you have with yourself is the most important part of life. Therefore those whom you decide to be part of your life are going to have some type of an influence on how you view yourself.

In 2005 I started a childcare course, during this time I met a friend who is now very dear to me (although I do not see her regularly, she still holds a very special place in my heart).

Tatiana was lively! She always had plenty to say, and would just say it like it is ( a carbon copy of me, and that scared me at first!).

Tats was determined that she was going to be my friend, no matter how much I tried to push her away, this girl just wouldn’t get the message and she kept coming back!! One day Tats had enough, so the conversation went something like this:

“Tash, what is wrong with you?, Why don’t you want to be my friend?

Me: “ I have all the friends I need and want already and don’t want any new ones!”

She looked at me in shock, “so, how do you learn anything new, if you’re always surrounded by the same people, that is just DRY” (this girl was just feisty in my eyes, but hey I love her now)

At the time I thought she was the mad one! Why don’t this girl just get the message! 15 years on, I am happy that Tats pushed her way into my life, I am grateful that she persisted to be my friend regardless of my protest.

Tats had identified something within me, that I was yet to discover.

As time passed,and I matured, I did in actual fact realise the path I was about to embark on, not only meant that I was going to lose the friends I thought would be there forever; I was also going to gain new friends that would help me on a new journey.

I had to research the importance of relationships, I needed to firstly identify why it was so hard for me to build them, but also what was the purpose and intention of having different types of people in my life.

Conversations with God (My favourite book of all time!) helped me with this, stating:

“There is a way to be happy in relationships, and that is to use them

for their intended purpose, not the purpose you have designed”

(Walsh.D 1997)

After reading this statement, I realised that the current purpose of the relationships that I had at that particular time was more to do with more challenging aspects.

We were all young and therefore young relationships have young problems. My relationships were bringing me more stress than joy not on purpose, but just because our mindsets had not fully developed, we did not understand ourselves let alone other people.

After the age of 35, I stopped engaging in these types of situations, I wasn’t interested in gossiping and drama.(don’t get me wrong everyone loves some gossip, just not all the time!) I just wanted an easy life. I am building an empire.

I have no time for this….. Was my attitude. To some it may have seemed as though I did not care, to me it was more about keeping my energy in a balanced place. I read further and the explanation became clearer…..

“Relationships are constantly challenging, constantly calling you to create, express and experience higher versions of yourself. More magnificent versions of yourself. Nowhere can you do this more immediately, impactfully and immaculately than in relationships”. (Walsh.D 1997)

Now it made even more sense, I cannot expect to grow past what I already know by staying with those who can only teach me that which I already know.

Tats was right, I needed to experience new people so that I can have new experiences that would help me grow.

Luckily for me, I have a bestie, that does not get jealous with all my new friends, she literally said the other day, all of your friends are different, you never stay with any one friend for long, except me...LOL Pin to the END!!

Over the years I have made many new friends that are meaningful to my life.

This is a two way street, we share our knowledge with one another, we share experiences with one another.

We bring a new vitality to life for us to grow. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that once you have new friends that all your old friends must go.

No way, they were part of your foundation so rightly so they should still be a key part of your life.

But within life there must be a balance with the different friends we have in our energy field.

Some will be for gossiping ( as long as it does not distract the focus this is fine) some will be to enlighten us to become better versions of ourselves, and others will simply realise that they can not maintain a friendship with you and simply leave your life and that is ok too.

When we get to the stage in which relationships are no longer in alignment with where we are going, they will begin to fall away.

You will not need to do anything, and this is not something that you should become upset about. Sometimes the relationship will end forever, at other times there may be distance for a certain amount of time, until the relationship needs to come together again. (sometimes space is needed for relationships to grow and develop).

The universe will take away anyone that is not meant to stay in your life, so if the relationship has failed there is a good reason which you may not identify with until later in life.

To further understand why this happens it is important for you to acknowledge that most people enter relationships wearing an invisible mask, they come in showing you their best side, they're able to hide all that they do not want you to see until they cannot anymore.

When their mask drops off, you are able to see them more clearly for who they are. It is usually the change in behaviour which you notice first, the rest follows shortly after.

This is especially apparent in romantic relationships when one partner has not learnt how to love themselves.

If two people connect, and one has developed a healthy love for themselves and the other has not, you are going to have a journey in which the one who is still finding the love within themselves is constantly running away.

My advice would be not chase them, you can not teach someone the importance of loving themselves, and it also teaches you to remain faithful in the unconditional love that you have for yourself.

To truly, purely, fall in love with another, you must truly, purely fall in love with yourself (Walsh.D, 1997).

Love is meant to be shared, so love yourself first, and another will be able to feel the love that not only you have for yourself, but also the love you have for them.

One of the most important things to have within a relationship is Trust, I always believed that Trust was about how we viewed the other person, only to later realise that Trust has nothing to do with another.

Trust is about the way we feel about ourselves. Trust is being able to remain faithful to yourself in all situations.

Trust is the foundation which builds and develops a relationship between you and another.

If you cannot Trust yourself to do the right thing at the right time, then how will you ever Trust another.

Trust begins with you, not what another is doing, saying or being. Once I had learnt to Trust myself, trusting those that I deemed to be trustworthy became easy.

It is easy to identify one that Trusts themselves as usually their actions will match their words, those who struggle to match their actions with words, usually have underlying Trust issues.

You can not do anything to help another with these issues, they must be able to look at themselves and identify what the issue is, which is causing them to be distrustful.

Relationships are about alignment, aligning your Soul with others, who want to see you grow, and not keep you stuck in what you already know.

Never refuse a relationship, give it the Time, Space and Trust needed to grow. Take your time to get to know you first, and who you see yourself to be.

But also take the time to get to know the person who you are going into a relationship with.

Spend time with them, have deep meaningful conversations with them.

It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you are entering, what matters is why you are entering it and what it is about to bring to your life experience.

I am going to end this blog on a positive note from a friend I met 8 years ago through work. Jo used to call me Mystic Meg, as I was always banging on about the meaning of the full moon and how it affected our energies.

She laughed at me, mocked me, until she GOT me LOL… Now she sees me as this type of friend:

Natasha has inspired me to think more consciously, on a deeper level

And too look and feel more into energy.

We’re all on a journey, and her words and guidance will support you

in untangling the world around you if you are ready to listen

To your inner self

-Jo

She was hard work in the beginning, but with a healthy trust in myself, and the relationship I knew was developing, we got there in the end!

I am Balanced, I am Open and Honest, I am Healed

Love. Light and Blessings

NSJ XXXXXX

References:

Walsh. D,N (1997) Conversations With God Book One. Hodder & Stoughton: London