The Ego - How to Maintain Self Sabotage in Everyday Life
- NSJ Soul Lutions
- May 3, 2020
- 6 min read
Updated: May 4, 2020
This is an area which in the past I fought with time and time again. That little voice of what I believed to be reason was in actual fact a voice which had me living a life full of fear and anguish at every given opportunity I allowed it too. In 2015, I met a lady (Lynne) while working in a sunbed shop, for whatever reason the topic of Ego arised….. At that moment I realised the only person who was holding me back in life was myself.
And what a realisation that was! I knew that there was more to the feelings of not being good enough, that were buried deep within, I just didn’t realise that it was Me replaying the feelings over and over again. Me putting myself in the same situations with the same eventual outcome, Me looking in the mirror and asking myself why I could not shake the memories in my mind, the feelings I got every time I believed something was not going my way… The cycle was endless, the feelings were draining Me and quite basically I had reached the stage in which I could not see a way out. I would find myself in situations, and then make it my mission to RUN, that was my way of controlling how I felt, so I did this for years in my personal relationships and working life.
So when the universe sent me Lynne, and she explained the Ego and what it was designed for, how it felt (you can almost feel it rise from the bottom of your stomach to the top of your head), how to control it so it does not control you, when and how you can use it to your benefit as opposed to your detriment. It was then I started the beautiful journey (well it wasn’t exactly beautiful!) towards the death of the Ego!
The journey was far from beautiful, I had to rewire 35 years of feeling inadequate, like there was something wrong with Me (well there was, I was in actual fact my own worst enemy!) I had to take responsibility for the fact that many of the problems that I had faced in life were problems that I had created, yet pointed the finger at someone else to blame (the Ego loves to find someone to blame, but will never look at itself!). This in itself was sobering, I was recovering from an addiction of self sabotage that I had become accustomed to over a long period of time. I expected the worst to happen in every situation and would purposely believe that everyone had secrets to hide, things were always happening behind my back. This could not go on, this was no longer acceptable, now was the time for change, and God knows that Ego did not want to die!!
So I started my pursuit, my first stop was reading ( if you know me well enough, you’ll know I read and research EVERYTHING!) This allowed me to gain a better understanding from a theoretical point of view. I wanted to understand the purpose of the Ego, why did it feel so strong at times and weak at other times. “Dissolving the Ego, Realising The Self” was the first book I purchased for this Journey. I opened the book and this was the message II received:
“Although the human mind likes to believe that it is “of course”
dedicated to the the truth, in reality what it really seeks is
confirmation of what it already believes” (Hawkins.D 2011)
This opened my eyes, wide!! I had a tendency to believe what I wanted to believe,(meaning I was always right, and another was always wrong) it meant I would get an idea in my mind, and then start my mission to seek the “truth” only to identify the truth I was so desperately seeking was a truth that I had either made up( as I had no real evidence) or was just part of the conditioning I was brought up within.This was not a healthy way to be living life. I was not mature enough to respect that people had different opinions from my own, and the fact was just because their opinion differed from mine, did not make me right or them wrong. It was just different and that was ok! I read many books, watched youtube videos and articles on the Ego after that, and each time I had taken in new information I started to apply it to my daily encounters with people. Some people really tested my Ego, and others still test my Ego to this day, but that is ok, I know who I am, where I am heading and exactly what I stand for and against.
I remember being around 24 years old, having one of those life conversations with my Nanny (Oh how wise she was!!), and she stated, “never go and look for anything, God will always make you see, what you need to see, when you need to see it! In a nutshell my nan was forewarning me, there was nothing in life which we should worry about, everything has a time and place and will come to light when the time is right. No one can hide a secret. It always comes to light. Quite basically if I had really understood what my Nan was telling me at the time, I could have diminished the issue with my Ego. The Ego wants you to believe things which are not in actual fact true, this is because the Ego is de
signed to react in fear. The Ego wants to prove that it is better than everyone else, is stronger than everyone, richer than everyone… the list of negative feelings is endless. And when living from this viewpoint, you will only ever face problem after problem.
The people we surround ourselves with can also be the make or break of your Ego. That is because if they live from a standpoint of their Ego always winning, your Ego begins feel as though you are in constant competition with those around you. Which in turn breaks relationships as opposed to helping them to grow. In the past I have lost relationships due to living in my Ego, I have been seen to be the person with the loud mouth always ready for an argument, the “don’t mind Tasha, she is just like that”. The hardest part of my Ego death were my friends and family having to get to grips with the new Me. It was only yesterday that I spoke to my cousin, and the way he explained my reactions to situations was sooooooo not who I see myself to be anymore. I tend not to place myself around those who still live within their Ego, I find it draining. It does not mean that I stop complete contact, I just know how much my energy field can take before I need to step back and allow them to breathe.
A key way to identify if someone is living in their Ego is to check the way you feel after you have spent time with them or had communication with them. Does your energy feel calm, or is there a feeling of unrest, that you can't quite put your finger on? Chances are they have left some energy around you ( good or bad energy) that is no longer resonating with were you are now heading, therefore your Soul feels unsettled. This feeling will pass much quicker once you realise it is their energy and not yours. ( I will write an energy blog next week!)
I have learnt to judge no one based on what they own. My Ego would have me believe the nicer I dressed the better I was, the newer my car was, the better I was. In reality these are small things in comparison to the overall meaning of life. I no longer make up things in my mind and go on a rampage hoping to find the truth (After all I will see what I am meant to see anyway!) I don’t react to situations that do not need a reaction. I am calm, I am my Soul and my Soul is Me. I am fully aware that I am more than good enough for every situation that I find myself in. Now don’t get me wrong, if you try to take the new found me for an idiot, I am going to react! I will tell you what I need to tell you as blunt as I need to tell you. The difference is, I can return to being calm and forgiving as fast as I cuss you out. (Tek yuh Ego, and gwarn ah yuh yard! LOL - thanks Mel!) I don’t hold onto the feelings of Ego there is no point!
So the purpose of the Ego is to protect you when there is danger, and I mean real danger. Not the kind that keeps you seperated from others because of the thoughts that swirl around in your mind, the what ifs, the I bet they are doing this or doing that. I am talking about danger that puts your life at real risk, it is designed to get you out of difficult situations. Once you have mastered the Ego,in relation to how you can connect with others, you have mastered life.
I am Better Than No One and No One Is Better Than me, I am Egoless, I am my Soul and my Soul is Me!
Love Light and Blessings
NSJ XXXXXXX
Reference
Hawkins. D R MD PHD(2011) Dissolving the Ego, Realizing the self Hays House:London
Further reading
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Available at: redlipslie.com Accessed on 03/05/2020 @ 23:27pm
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