Setting Boundaries

Boundaries that beautiful words that many of us have in place and others of us are still in the process of learning.

There are many reasons why we have to place boundaries within our lives, but the main reason is that without having healthy boundaries for ourselves and our expectations then others will not treat us in line with how we see ourselves to be.

Lack of boundaries is as good as having a lack of self-respect for yourself.

There is so much information that is out there about the importance of boundaries, much of which we may sometimes read and forget when it comes to the time to be put into practice.

I have for one have struggled with boundaries, as I previously have found it hard to say No. The word no can be deemed negative and because I am naturally someone who is kind-hearted, the word no was hard for me at times( depending on what it is, as my family would probably disagree with this statement).

There are different levels of boundaries that we will have in different areas of our lives.

The boundaries that you may have in place while at work will be different from the ones that you have with your family, which will be different from the one that you will have within your friends and personal relationship.

Family

Our families have expectations of us and they are fully aware of what our strengths are and when to come for us for something that they may need from us.

We love our families and therefore we will always want to do things for them that may help them along their journey.

But what happens when enough is enough when we do not feel as though we have enough time for you, to do what you want to do, because of the demands that our families may sometimes place upon us.

Some of us are able to pull away from the demands of our families, others will always believe that family comes first and therefore we must do what we need to do for them as and when they need it.

Setting boundaries with your family is important for you. This will allow you the time that is needed to get things done for you.

You should not feel guilty if you are unable to provide something that your family are asking for. You need to understand that by doing what is best for you, you will in turn do what is best for your family.

The more you are able to say no when asked to do something that you may not have the time for. The easier it will become to set a boundary that is respected by both you and your family.

Friends

Boundaries with friends can be easier, I tend to follow my gut feeling when setting boundaries with friends. I have to ensure that I am in alignment with where I am heading and therefore I use my feelings to gauge what friends I can have around me and at what time.

I am what you are class as a friend that will do anything for anyone, however, I am also fully aware that there are times in which I have to set boundaries with some friends who are taking kindness as a weakness.

For example, I have male friends, however as a boundary for myself, I have no phone calls after 10 pm. My Boundary here is “ I would prefer, if you did not call me after 10pm, unless it is important”

This is out of respect for my personal time, and also to ensure that I have time for myself in the evenings. We cannot be available at all times, therefore setting a boundary is important for friendships.

At the beginning of any relationship, it is important that boundaries are put in place, having a firm understanding of what you are willing to accept and what you are not so willing to accept helps the relationship to grow and develop on both sides.

I have found that relationships which start with no boundaries are harder to put in place especially if the person is used to seeing you in a particular way.

Speak up about what you do not like, another person is not a mind reader, and therefore you need to express your expectations.

Be careful with the language that you use, for example if it is a boundary that will affect another. Saying “I” as opposed to “You” will allow the other person to be aware that this is a boundary you have in place for yourself.

Love boundaries

At the beginning of any romantic relationship, it is important that you state the boundaries for the relationship to move forward.

These may not always be verbally set, sometimes they are just in the actions which you complete.

At the start of any love relationship, the boundaries that you set, are the boundaries which will carry the relationship forward.

If you start the relationship, letting things “go” which you know are important to you. In the end this will only upset you or cause resentment within the relationship.

You do not need to be harsh when setting boundaries. However you may benefit from being very clear with what you are willing and not willing to accept.

Try not to hold back what you are feeling, or lower your boundary to make another feel comfortable. Be you, the real you. If this person is for you, there will never be a problem with the boundary which has been set.

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Yourself

Setting boundaries with yourself may be the hardest to do. It is you making a commitment to what you want to achieve and sticking to this no matter what is going on around you.

A boundary with yourself, can be something as simple as saying “ I am not going to allow others to make decisions for me”.

Now that may seem simple, however if you are used to allowing or doing things for another on a regular basis. Then this is something that will take some work to overcome.

This is about you growing within yourself, so while you may feel as though you are not “acting” yourself, it is now you are changing into a new version of who you see yourself to be that is causing the most distress.

Allow those feelings to come to the surface, they are there for a reason, and as you become more in alignment with the new boundary you are setting for yourself it will become more comfortable.

Overcoming Fear of boundary setting.

As with everything in life, when we are learning something new, we will feel a sense of Fear when setting boundaries within our life.

Push through the feelings of fear, as fear is only there to stop us from moving towards the new path that the universe has planned for you.

Do something that you are fearful of, which you know is going to be beneficial to you in the long run.

Life is about taking risks, and risks are about setting boundaries which are there to help with the growth of your soul.

You will never be in a position on which you will set a boundary for yourself, that will not work out in your favour. Others as mentioned before may find it hard to adjust to the boundaries that you have set for yourself.

However in the end, these others will either respect you for the boundaries which have been set, or they will leave as they do not want to adhere to new boundaries which you have set.

Fear is what holds us back from making choices, and also setting boundaries which are healthy to live a balanced life. However fear is what keeps us stuck in places not good for our life path.

Freedom of boundaries

Once you have become fully aware of boundaries which have been set within your life, you will begin to feel a sense of freedom.

Knowing that you are now in a position that you can only attract what you are, you will now become in alignment with those who will completely respect you for the boundaries which you have.

You will not need to explain what you expect, as you would have identified what your boundaries are for yourself.

As long as you always are setting boundaries for yourself, you will never feel restricted to the expectations of others.

It is not about what you can do for another but more importantly what you are able to do for yourself first.

Feel free, set a boundary which lights up your soul.

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Conclusion

I am not saying that boundaries are an easy process, for all. Especially if you have not had them in place. However, if you want to live a life in which you are not consistently feeling as though you do not have time for yourself then this is something that you may wish to review.

You should not feel fearful in regards to setting boundaries for yourself, this is healthy and will allow you to have a sense of control in relation to what is happening within your life.

It is about being aware of yourself, and making what you need to get done a top priority.

Song of the week

Time after time after time I've tried to fight it But your love is strong it keeps on holding on Resistance is down when you're around, starts fading In my condition I don't want to be alone

'Cause my heart starts beating triple time With thoughts of loving you on my mind I can't figure out just what to do When the cause and cure is you, oh

I get so weak in the knees, I can hardly speak I lose all control and something takes over me In a daze and it's so amazing, it's not a phase I want you to stay with me, by my side I swallow my pride, your love is so sweet It knocks me right off of my feet Can't explain why your loving makes me weak

Love Light and Blessing NSJ XXXXX